Dear Fantasy Football Gods:
Why do you hate me so much? Why do you dangle a victory in front of me only to take it away without a sense of thought or compassion? Why must Indianapolis fumble the ball when trying to run out the clock? Why was Eli Manning still in the game? Next time, just make it a blowout, so you do not crush my soul like you did on Sunday.
Sincerely,
Demoralized Manager of the Year
“Erroneous! Erroneous on all accounts!”
Remember when Monty Burns escaped near death from Maggie Simpson? Well, it seems his long lost brother Pat Burns has narrowly escaped death as well. The only difference was that Monty was shot by a baby, while Pat was “killed” by an inaccurate Twitter message.
His family released this statement:
“Pat is surprised to learn he is dead.” Now that's a shocker.
And then Burns set the record straight himself, proclaiming he was indeed alive, to TSN’s Bob McKenzie Friday afternoon.
"Here we go again. They're trying to kill me before I'm dead. I come to Quebec to spend some time with my family and they say I'm dead. I'm not dead, far (expletive) from it. They've had me dead since June. Tell them I'm alive. Set them straight."
Sloppy journalism at its best. A tip for any journalist searching for a good scoop.
Fact checking: good.
Tweeting nonsensical garbage: bad.
We Sittin’ here Talkin About...
It’s one thing to put weight in what players do or say in pre-season games; it is another thing entirely to put any sort of meaning into the first day of training camp. Reports were coming in saying the Flames had Tanguay, Iginla, and Jokinen playing on a line together in the first day of training camp. Ok, is this late breaking news shocking to anyone? I think everyone involved in hockey knew this was going to happen.
Later, Jokinen was quoted as saying, “We scored some nice goals out there.”
One: What was the question asked and who would care to hear about the ‘nice’ goals they scored in practice.
Two: It’s F$%King practice!
Thank you Allen Iverson. Start the season already so we can PLEASE talk about stuff that actually matters.
Rules of the Game
One of the dumbest rules in all of the NFL came into effect once again yesterday when Houston Texans Head Coach Gary Kubiak cuddled up to the referee to call a timeout moments before the Redskins snapped the ball to attempt the game-winning field goal.
Freezing the kicker? Why don’t we freeze the nonsense out of the league by getting rid of ridiculous rules like this one?
Make a five second window where time-outs can’t be called. Just change the rule because it ruins the flow of the game.
Bye Bye Birdies
This marked the 17th straight season that the Toronto Blue Jays have not played in the post-season. That ranks them 4th on the current list of playoff ineptitude behind the prestigious Pittsburgh Pirates (18 seasons without playoffs), the Kansas City Royals (24 seasons), and the crown jewel, the Washington Nationals (28 years).
Furthermore the last playoff game either the Jays or Royals played was celebrating a World Series victory. The Royals in 1985 when they beat the St. Louis Cardinals 11-0 in the seventh game, and of course the Jays in 1993 when Joe Carter hit the shot heard round the country.
The Jays World Series win was the also the only Series victory (on record) won outside of the United States.
Blue Jays Team Slogan: There is always next year.
The Rouge
Game tied 37-37.
Riders on the Stamps 28 yard line.
No time on the clock.
Field goal to win the game.
Hold the phone! Let’s bring out the punter, because in the CFL you get a point for just keeping it in or kicking it through that ‘grand canyon’ sized thing they call an end zone. It’s one thing to try and punt to win the game, but it goes to whole different level when your pussy footed attempt fails miserably.
But back it up a second; someone is punting to win the game!?
Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for the CFL.
Newman
twitter.com/TSRNewman
Agree? Disagree? We want to hear from you! Click below to comment
1 comment:
The Blue Jays other slogan: "It's because of our division." Funny, that doesn't seem to be an issue for the other four teams, who have all seen playoff action multiple times since the Jays last did.
Post a Comment